DIE HARRY! DIE!
by alyssialui
Summary: have you ever wondered why Voldy cant just kill Harry? Its not that hard. Heres my ways of killing off our favourite leading man. WARNING: Some persons may find the content of this story offensive.
1. Magnets, Astronomy class and the zoo

**This is my new story called Die! Harry Die!, which reminds me, maybe I should do a Die, Ron! Die! in commemoration for his false prophecy. Oh well… message me if you want (with ideas).**

**Quick back-track: If you read my stories, youd know that Lianne(a) and Aiden are twins in my other story _50 things not to do at Hogwarts _and its sequel _A little less than 50 things not to do at Hogwarts_ They are friends with the Gryffindors and Draco Malfoy. Brief history for those who don't understand**

**-You turn on your TV to a black screen where 2 girls walk to the middle. The first with brown hair opens her mouth and says…-**

Aiden: Good day and welcome to this new story by our omnipotent author **_jackskellingtonspumpkinqueen. _**She has entrusted us, her 2 original characters, with the task of getting the story to you. In each section of the story, we, meaning me and my twin Lianne -

**Lianne: Hi!!**

Aiden: will experiment with different ways of killing said Boy-Who-Lived, Harry Potter.

**Harry: -runs onto the screen- Don't I have a say in this??**

Aiden: No!!!

**Lianne: Don't you trust us?? **

**Harry: No!!!**

Aiden: Well then now we're even. Now let me finish the intro. Uh… She wanted to find out why its so hard for the Dark Lord to kill that brat. There are so many easy ways of doing it. Which is why we're doing it. Thanks for reading and here we go!! -Twins start walking off-screen-

**Harry: Psst!!...If youre out there, send for help. Now!! Im being held here against my will and…**

**Lianne: -Quickly runs back- Don't mind him**

Aiden: Hes just shy. Lets go. whispers Get the knock-out dart

**Harry: Knock-out dart??**

**-Lianne blows the dart into Harrys neck-**

**Harry: oooo…nappy-time -drops down-**

Aiden: You grab his legs, Ill get his head

**Lianne: Lets go!!

* * *

**

_In the Great Hall:_

Harry: Where am I?? Why do I feel like I just got hit by a bus?? -rubbing head-

Lianne: Were you saying something Harry??

Harry: Its nothing… nothing. Oooh… pumpkin juice

Aiden: Drink up Harry. Youre a growing boy

-Harry stupidly drinks the juice-

Lianne: Are we reading to go??

Harry: Yeah one sec

Harry grabs his books and Hermione and Ron get up as well. The twins allow Ron and Herm to go ahead, letting Harry drop a ways back. Ron and Hermione pass through the doors without problem, like every morning. Then Aiden and Lianne. They stand outside, seemingly waiting for Harry.

As he goes through, he starts to feel funny.

Lianne: Harry, what are you waiting for??

Harry: I… cant…move

The girls make no move to help their friend. As he continues to struggle, Lianne subtly presses a button on a remote hidden between her books. The pulling force and on Harry gets stronger until his arms fly out in both directions. His legs spread apart and you can hear a ripping sound from behind. As he turns red from embarrassment and frustration, the force gets stronger until…

BBBOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!

The girls smirk and walk off, leaving the other students to stare at the red smudge and discarded body parts of the boy-who-lived.

* * *

They walk through the halls, not caring about their classes until they get to a door. They enter and there, sitting on the table is Harry.

Lianne: How was that??

Harry: Painful…owww. I still cant put down my arms. Theyre like magnets repelling

Aiden: Thatll wear off soon. Now you stay here and well come back a little later. Lets make here more homey

Makus-here-more-homus

Lianne: Well be leaving and remember, you cant tell anyone..or else

Harry: Or else what??

-Lianne and Aidens faces morphed into the demons they are. Harry flinched at the sight-

Harry: Alright

**A/N: Since this was the first, I had to say what would happen to Harry and where he really is when people think hes dead. I wont anymore

* * *

**

It was Astronomy class the next night. The students were all there, telescopes at the ready. Professor Sinistra casually would come and check peoples progress with their galaxy maps from time to time.

Lianne and Aiden waited until she was on the other side of the tower until…

Lianne: Harry… can you come here for a second?

-Harry rushes over-

Harry: Do we have to do this??

Aiden: Do you want us to get angry??

Lianne: Do you want the author to get angry??

Aiden: We have an in with the author. That's the only reason your alive now

Lianne: If you get her angry, you wont come back

Aiden: That is if theres any left after she gives us the power to maul you first

Harry: Alright…alright… just get it over with

Lianne: -loudly- Look out there… is that Saturn??

Harry: -loudly- Where?? -leaning over the ledge-

Aiden: Oops

She 'accidentally' pushes Harry causing him to topple over the railing, hitting the ground below with a thud.

Sinistra: Someone go get Mme Pomphrey.

As she ran down the stairs, as well as the student she sent, the twins looked over the railing. Harrys body was nowhere to be found. They smiled to themselves but quickly put on a solemn look as they joined Ron and Hermione.

* * *

Lianne: Do you think we should obliviate him?? Making him know about it before isn't exactly working out??

Aiden: Well the author said that he should know. She wasn't that certain. Shell get back to us.

Lianne: It just seems… not funny… that he knows beforehand

Aiden: But its mean to just do this if he knows nothing of what's actually happening. What will we tell him when after every incident, he winds up in the safe-room and doesn't know why he hasn't died yet

Lianne: Youre right. What's next??

* * *

It was muggle-field-trip day. The students would go out for the day to a muggle place, provided they were well behaved. This trip they decided to go to the zoo.

The group stayed together, Harry nervously glancing at the twins. They just smiled back serenely and stared straight ahead. Hoping to get a little ways from them, Harry sped up. Aiden subtly stuffed some meat in Harrys backpocket. How he didn't feel them, we don't know but it was all working out.

They stopped at the lion cages where the tourguide proceeded to explain about the lions. While Lianne distracted the guide with questions, Aiden slipped around the back and opened the cage.

The lions, sensing that this girl must have a reason, quietly slipped out. She pointed to Harry and the lions sniffed the air. Acknowledging the scent in the air, they sprung upon Harry.

The other students tried to help, but it seemed like a spell was placed on them, stopping their movement. The guide ran off, in hopes of finding a trainer before the boy was seriously injured.

All the students could do was watch and scream in fright as the lions got carried away and started taking chunks out of Harrys body. His screams filled the air, attracting the attention of other zoo patrons. The twins joined in the screaming, not anticipating how painful or gory it would be for Harry. They'd have to pay back big time for this one.

He was soon silenced when one the lions, obviously annoyed with the noise, bit off his head. Soon, they finished him off and the guide rushed back with 3 trainers in tow. They rounded up the lions and herded them back into their cage. The girls looked sorrowfully at the lions before listening to the guide try to calm things down.

He then led them to the gate, where they got a big fat check for some life insurance crap and then they left.

* * *

Question: Should I obliviate Harry after every death?? Im not sure. It does seem lame if he knows about it beforehand... but then I dont know. message me with your views and you can send your ideas too. Also, If you want a **Die Ron! Die! **special too 


	2. Cutting the Rug

**Lianne: We're back!! **

Aiden: I got the list

**Lianne: Lets go get our boy before he tries escaping again

* * *

**

Aiden: …so Harry this is the new fashion statement. Its all the rage in Paris

Harry: But we're not in Paris.

Lianne: But don't you want to be the first to have this fashionable look??

Aiden: Don't you want to be a trendsetter, rather than a trendfollower??

Harry: Uhh… I don't know

Lianne: Fine, we'll show Hermione

Aiden: And Ron

Lianne: They aren't as backwards as you

They stomped off leaving a confused Harry, wondering if he really should have taken the offer. They had decided that now they wouldn't tell Harry what they were about to do, but let him know, as a result, hed die in the process. Now the dying part wasn't bad… well it was… but not as bad as the pain he felt coming back to life. He was grateful that they were powerful enough to give the room the power to give him anything he wanted. He recuperated in there before he returned to reality… everytime.

This time though, he couldn't see the connection between clothes and death. They just didn't go together… unless the clothes came to life and strangled him. But that's just too easy. They wouldn't do that…right?? Well no use now…maybe tomorrow,

**The next day:**

****

Harry woke up, not noticing that it was a bit later than he usually did. He got dressed and went down to the common room where he saw everyone wearing the outfit the twins had shown him the previous day. Seeing it on everyone else, it didn't look so bad. Some girls even died their hair various shades of pink, green, blue or red. The boys wore chokers, bracelets and chains traipsed across their frames. Now he regretted not being the first to try this.

Harry: Lianne!! Aiden!!

Aiden: Yes Harry??

Harry: You anymore of those outfits??

Lianne: Sure. We saved yours, just incase you changed your mind

Harry: Thanks…

Aiden: We have to talk a little later though ok??

Harry: See ya

As he walked off, Lianne and Aiden smirked to themselves. Convincing the other students to wear it was easy. They posted various magazine clippings of muggles wearing them all over the common room. Earlier, they had set up a booth for everyone to buy the outfits. This one actually made them some profit. To keep Harry upstairs though, they had to both drug him and put a sleeping charm on him…just to be safe.

* * *

Lianne: Cmon Harry you have to do it

Harry: Self-inflicting pain on my body doesn't seem like a good idea

Aiden: Its perfectly safe, just don't hit the main vein right there

Lianne: Everyone did theirs last night. If you had accepted yesterday, you could have done it along with everyone else

Aiden: Its not that hard

Harry: Right here??

Lianne: Yeah Harry…. Right…. Here!!!

Harry was cautiously holding the blade above his wrists before Lianne painfully jabbed it down onto the main vein. Blood spurted everywhere and Harry paled in fright and blood lost. Lianne and Aiden screamed, running out of the room, claiming that they were going to get help. They stayed by the door, painfully listening as Harry screamed in pain and fright.

Suddenly it went deathly silent. They slowly entered the room and look at Harrys prone unmoving form. Quickly they got out their cameras, taking pictures, careful not to get any with Harrys full face. Pictures flew out in succession before the corpse disappeared in sparkles of light

Lianne: Well hes back in the room

Aiden: Hope hes not in too much pain

Lianne: He might just kill us for this one

Aiden: Id like to see him try.

They stuck up the pics on the walls to discourage the others to continue with the fad, where it soon died out.

* * *

the next morning, Harry entered the common room seeing Lianne and Aiden standing at the ends of a carpet on the floor. They seemed to be concentrating on something really hard, but also had weary looks on their faces. Knowing he was asking for it, Harry walked over

Harry: What are we doing??

Lianne: We got a homework from Binns to research a piece of artwork or craftsmanship in this castle

Aiden: We thought this rug would be easy

Lianne: But we still cant start the bloody essay

Aiden: Harry, lie down by the lions paw in the middle. Lets see if we can compare the size of the thing to a person

Harry lied down on the rug, with similar height to the width of the rug. Lianne walked over to Aidens end and nodded to here. While Harry was facing the now vacant end, the twins rolled up the rug until Harry was secured tightly inside

Aiden: Snug as a bug in a rug

Harry: Get me out of this thing!!!

Lianne: Nuh huh. We haven't had our fun yet. Aiden, help me with this thing

It was quite a sight to see two girls holding up a rug in between them with a screaming wrap inside like a burrito. They followed curiously until the girls got to the Astronomy tower, where Aiden quickly cast a locking charm on the door.

Lianne: Ok. Ready Harry??

Harry: No!!!

Aiden: Youre lucky there are no witnesses here

Harry: No… youre lucky cause you wont get in trouble

Lianne: The author wouldn't do that

Aiden: She wouldn't let anything happen to us

Lianne: Or you. Shes allowing you to live isn't she??

Aiden: Though I don't see why. Youre such a brat

Lianne: But a cute brat

Aiden: Of course

Lianne: Ready??

Aiden: Ready.

Lianne and Aiden: 1..2..3

Harry:AAAAHHHH!H!

They rolled him off the side of the tower where he plummeted down to the grass just like before. They looked over the railing, seeing heads pop out of windows below. When the heads turned up, they quickly ducked down and hurried over to the door. The crowd had dispersed after seeing that they couldn't see anything else. They then went down to the Recup Room and spent the rest of the day with Harry


	3. The movie, the cruise and Quiddicth

Lianne: Harry!! Harry!! Guess what??

Harry: What now??

Aiden: We got you a part in a movie

Lianne: Its about a young wizard who faces a dark lord every year of his life.

Aiden: He also has those awkward teenage moments too

Harry: What an original storyline!! When do I start??

Lianne: Tomorrow

Aiden: But before you get cast, to judge your acting skills, theyre going to make you practice a small scene in another movie

Harry: What do I have to do??

Lianne: Its like this big gun fight between 2 parties. Youll be playing one of the fighters

Harry: Alright then. Thanks

The next day:

Harry skips school and goes to the place that the twins told him. He enters the building and sees 2 directors sitting in chairs on a set. He doesn't notice their faces are poorly drawn mask (im talking smiley faces and everything). Harry wasn't the brightest crayon in the box.

Harry: Hello Im Harry Potter

Lianne: Im Michael Waters, and this is my co-director, Matthew Slink

Aiden: Go through that door over there for hair and makeup. Well be ready in 20 minutes

During the scene: 

Fighter #1: You killed my father, you bastards

Fighter #2: No, Rico. I didn't kill your father… I am your fatha… (darth vader noise)

Fighter #1: Noooooooooooooooo

Fighter #2: Oh suck it up

Fighter #1: My father would never talk to me like that

F2: Ya… he would

F1: Uhhh… People, attack!!!

F1: We have taken one of his prisoner. Any last words??

Harry: My only regret is that I couldn't kill you for my leader

F1: Such noble words. Ready…aim…fire!!!

As Harry stood there, he thought that it was the end of the scene. The directors had briefed him that hes be taken hostage where the gang "shot" him. There was no ammunition, they were just fake guns. That's why it just didn't make sense when he saw bullet holes appearing all over his body before one pierced his heart and he died.

Lianne: -pulling off mask- That was great!! Excellent work guys

Gang: Thanks

Aiden: -pulling off mask- You get your free corn over in the room over there

Both gangs: Alright!!!

Lianne: Cmon Aiden, we have to get back to Hogwarts before people notice we're missing

Aiden: That took longer than we thought

* * *

Lianne: Harry, we're so sorry that didn't work out

Aiden: We thought the guns weren't loaded

Lianne: The directors told us they'd be using fake guns

Harry: Its alright then. Honest mistake. What's next on that uber fantastic list the AKA (all-knowing author – that's what Ill make them call me) gave you??

Aiden: Uhhh… Harry, how would you like to on a cruise??

So they gave Harry the ticket to the cruise, where he spent a good week swimming the pool, ballroom dancing, playing shuffleboards and eating the gourmet meals everyday. Things were actually nice this time, until the captain announced that the ship would be going over some rough waters. There was a storm that night, and Harry with the hero complex, came out to help the crewsmen secure the ship. Two crewsmen told him to go up to the highest point of the ship and look off to check if they might hit anything in the dark. He ran off, not noticing the familiar masked faces (although he could see parts) of their faces as they grinned and then apparated off.

Harry ran up to the highest point, which was just above the captains quarters and look out. How he wished he didn't have glasses now. Rain continued to fall down on everything, causing him to repeatedly have to wipe his spectacles on his already soaked shirt.

After getting them sort of cleared, he replaced them on his face. He looked out and saw a faint glowing light in the distance. He stared for awhile to confirm it was real. He hung over the edge of the railing above the water, in hopes of signaling what he thought was another ship. A rogue wave hit the side of the boat that moment, causing Harry to fall overboard and sink a little in the water.

Harrys burst out to the surface. The ship continued to go forward, ignoring Harrys cries for help. He continued to thread the water, not sure of what to do, until he became exhausted and sank below the water.

Harry awoke on an island. He knew this because as soon as he opened his eyes, the first things he saw were coconut trees and sand. The second thing was what he called a native, having only seen pictures in Dudleys discarded History books. The native made a screeching noise and soon more joined him. They picked Harry up, him being too weak to fight the many hands, and carried him to their village. There they fed him tons of fruits and meats until he was stuffed. He soon fell asleep, not worrying about how hed get off

Harry awoke to the sound of drumming, chanting and the feeling of extreme heat. It seemed he was propped up and tied against a large boulder. He looked out and saw the natives dancing and chanting. –Why have they tied me to this rock??- The heat was starting to make him sweat. Looking down, he noticed he was tied above a roaring fire, which occasionally a native would add more wood to. How he didn't notice before didn't occur to him now, as he panicked. –What are they gonna do to me??-

The chieftain of the village suddenly stood up and said a few words in their language. At the end of his speech, the natives roared with excitement. Then they ran towards Harry tying him off and eyeing him hungrily.

**If you don't want to read this part, skip to the end for this one for the last. You can imply what happen. You already know hes going to die. For others, Im going to describe it to the fullest I can.

* * *

**

What looked to be the next rank in the village, took Harry first and sank his teeth into the flesh on Harrys shoulder. Harrys screams of pain was heard as the man tore through his flesh and handed the piece to a few women to the side. After this, other natives began to bite at Harry also, ripping pieces of his arms, legs and stomach.

After all the fleshy parts were torn, leaving a bloody, painful and barely living Harry, the man went off to the side. Knowing that what would happen next wasn't going to be anymore fun than before, Harry willed himself to die now while the man was gone. Luck was on his side as he finally passed from the lost of blood and the excruciating pain.

The man returned with a machete, not noticing their meal had already passed away and used it to cut off Harrys limbs the joints (you know, elbow, shoulder, etc.). He passed pieces to other members of the village, before hacking away at the other parts. After Harry was finally cut up and every member got some.

After they were all finished with their meal, the chieftain got up again.

Cheiftain: mum u liki liki popo umta hallama ifjer ot to ma na

(Translation: We have successfully freed the god from his mortal prison. We have honnoured all gods by this and will be joyous in our lives and our farming for this good deed)

They all cheered again, not being aware of two pairs of red glowing eyes in the bushes surrounding the clearing.

* * *

Harry was walking down to the Quidditch pitch for the first game of the year. After dying so many times in succession, the twins decided to give Harry a break. According to them, the AKA had not given them a definite time limit, just that they had to finish them all by the end of the year, which was still a long time away. They left the list for 3 weeks, where they continued the normal life they had with the other residents of the castle, before they were given the task.

He suited up and reminded the players of their various necessities before the whistle was blown. They all walked out onto the pitch. Harry shook the hand of the Hufflepuff captain and keeper, then the game began.

It was a smashing game with Hufflepuff in the lead, 90-50. Harry wanted to win the game for Gryffindor, so he looked around the pitch intently. The twins were sitting in the Gryffindor stands, waiting for the perfect opportunity.

Harry had finally spotted the snitch, flying lazily by the Slytherin stands. He flew off in that direction, attracting the Huffie seekers attention. They battled for the lead, all the while chasing the elusive snitch. Just as Harry was about to close his hand around the glittery ball, ending the game, a huge gust of wind seemed to only pass him, unbalancing him causing him to fall off.

It was so fast. The spectators just watched, mouth wide open as Harrys body drop like a bag of potatoes down to the spiraling turf below. The seeker looked back at the falling star, not really acknowledging the fidgeting entity in his hand. A thud rang out across the silent pitch. It was a few seconds before some people regained movement before everything went silent again as they saw Harrys still body erupt in a burst of sparkles.

Lianne, Aiden: -think talk- -We are so boned-


	4. Dumby knows, the contest and Everest

**A/N: Theyre getting a but hard to write now. Thinking of little jokes to fill them is getting really hard...also I feel bored and not so funny right now. Maybe next time. Hope you still like it though**

* * *

Lianne: _What do we do!?!?! What do we do!?!?! _

Aiden: **_Calm down ok. No one is looking at us. If they ask, just act stupid like everyone else _**

Lianne: _But the professors know we're not exactly normal. Theyre bound to ask us some questions _

Aiden: **_And like I said, act like you know nothing _**

Lianne: _Ok _

Questions buzzed around now. Everyone present at that game had seen Harry Potter fall from the sky and hit the ground. Everyone knew that there was no way he could survive that fall. He was stationary when he hit the ground, indicating that he wouldn't bounce right up like nothing happened. But even though everyone knew everything, no one knew why his body disappeared off the pitch.

Professors ran down and examined the patch of flat grass, casts spells and tracking charms, though none could tell what just happened…except Dumbledore. Good old, very old, Dumbledore. He subtly looked up to the stands at the twins, who were mimicking everyones shock.

Lianne: _Aiden, hes looking at us!! _

Aiden: **_This is not good. He wouldn't tell anyone, would he?? _**

Lianne: _I don't know. We have to talk to the author. Maybe she can do something _

AKA: **_Sorry guys. I cant do anything. In this situation, Dumbledore has more power over this than me. Also, changing what he thinks doesn't fall into my plans very well _**

Aiden: **_Plans??? What plans?? How come we don't know about them?? _**

AKA: **_I don't tell you everything now do I?? I have to be off. Don't act suspicious to anyone else _**

**__**

When no one was looking, the twins quietly got up and ran to the Recoop Room where Harry was lounging in the hot tub the room put there.

Lianne: This is what you do with our hard work??

Harry: You just said make yourself at home. Right now Im weak, that fall hit my side and I felt like soaking away my troubles. Want to join??

They took off their uniforms and room magicked up some bathing suits. Going behind a provided screen, they changed and then jumped in the tub.

Harry: So to what do I own this visit?? You don't usually visit me after you kill me

Lianne: We have a problem

Aiden: Everyone saw your body disappear

Harry: Holy shit!!

Lianne: We didn't think out that part

Aiden: We should have blown your body away or something

Harry: Cant the AKA do something about it??

Lianne: She cant change the past. People already read that chapter. Its hard work to reverse everything

Aiden: Also she has this big plan, which shes not telling us, and it doesn't fit in for her to change anything

Lianne: and Dumbledore knows that we're involved

Harry: Oh no!!

Aiden: But I don't think he'll tell. We know the point of this mission is not to get caught. If he was going to tell, the AKA would have stopped him

Harry: Ok then. So what are we going to do??

Aiden:Umm…ok. When your done healing, come out. People are bound to ask questions. Say you don't remember anything and you ended up in the forest or something

Harry: But they saw me get hurt

Lianne: Pretend to be hurt. Hitting the ground doesn't cause you to look different on the outside. Maybe we even put some marks on you.

Harry: What if Snape comes and reads my mind??

Aiden: Well guard these memories with magic ok??

Harry: Ok

Lianne: We have to go Harry.

Harry: Ill come out now. Put the marks on me

Aiden: Ok then. Bye Harry

Questions were asked, accusations denied and world peace was accomplished at the Hogwarts school

Lianne: Harry, the 7th year committee has appointed you the judge of the 7th year Beauty Contest.

Harry: Alright…bathing beauties

Aiden: Its on Saturday

Harry: Ill be there

That night, Harry saw that the contestants were Hermione, Lavender, Parvati, Hannah Abbot, Pansy Parkinson, Daphne Greengrass, Millicent Bullestrode and all the other 7th year girls.

Hermione: You better pick me Potter, or ill never speak to you again

Lavender: Pick me or Ill spill everything I know about you, and trust me, it wont be pretty

Pansy: Pick me or you wont be pretty again

It was a tough decision. This is how hed die… at the hands of sore-losing bathing beauties. Harry had to give the twins and the AKA props for this. Now who to choose…Hermione means too much to lose her friendship… Lavender is bound to know some awful truths about me (That I sleep with a Jack Sparrow doll… which I don't) and make up some nasty rumours… Pansy will get Millicent with her and beat me to a pulp… Hmmm

Harry: Ive made my decision

Contestants: -look-

Harry: The winner is Ginny Weasley

Contestants: What!!!

Ginny: Huh??? I didn't even enter

Harry: But you are the most beautiful beauty in my eyes

Ginny: AAAwww. Harry that's so sweet

Harry: And now I must run!!

Contestants: Get back here Potter!!!

Harry ran through the halls with the enraged contestants hot on his trail. He ducked into the recoop room where he saw the twins doing homework.

Lianne: How was the contest??

Harry: Horrible

Aiden: You didn't die. We gonna wait for your body to appear here.

Harry: Maybe tomorrow when I have to go to classes. For now, Ill just hide out up here with you. Pizza??

And they ate together and the next morning, Harry was pulled apart the girls who showed no remorse, regenerated, pulled apart again, regenerated and then the girls got tired and let it rest.

Lianne: Our field trip is on a helicopter to Mount Everest!! Im so excited.

The Hogwarts 7th years were filing into a chartered helicopter that would take them over Mount Everest. They were all huddled up in coats that were no getting good use now. Everyone was broiling and could wait to get there.

Once over, the pilot magnified his voice (hes a wizard) and started explaining some facts about Everest. He then suggested they land down there so the students could get a closer look.

Aiden: Harry, I dare you to go down the trail and count to a 1000. Then head back up

Harry: Sounds easy enough

Lianne: Mark..get set…go!!!

Harry started counting and walked down the trail. Lianne turned to the pilot, complaining that she was feverish, her lungs were hurting and she was bleeding. Aiden cast a spell to make it look realistic. The pilot jumped quickly back into the chopper, not taking a head count and flew over to the St. Sora hospital in China.

Harry just came back up to the place 30 minutes after

Harry: Guys?? Guys!!!!

Knowing he was alone and this was the girls plan, he waited…and waited…and waited.

A sound was made across the air

Harry: Hello???

A huge monster landed in front of Harry. It was the fabled yetis that are said to live high up in mountains. Harry screamed his lungs out. The yeti picked him up and went back to his home. He made huge leaps over mounds and holes until he got to a cave. He laid Harry down and then made a loud cry. Some minutes later, the ground shook and more yetis came.

They then devoured Harry, much like the natives. The end


	5. Niagra Falls, the monster book and Floo

After realizing that they had left the Boy-Who-Lived and much convincing that Harry could get back himself and all the ways he could, they didn't go back for him. He appeared back at the school where he made up a fanciful story of riding two turtles strapped to his feet. Of course, everyone believed him – Hes the frickking boy-who-lived.

Another field trip was now to Niagra Falls in Canada. They were all excited. They flooed to a home by the boat docks (which was usually used for wizards who wanted to see the attraction) and boarded a boat.

Lianne and Aiden took pictures of sights and friends throughout the ride. It was a very fun day.

Guide: First we will ride by the bottom of the falls and then we'll get another boat at the top of the falls. A dam is up there to stop the boat from going over. Id like to take this time to remind you all to keep your hands and legs inside the boat.

After they crossed the lake at the base of the falls, they got off and took the lift up the mountain to the top. They reboarded and guide continued listing of facts.

Lianne had just taken a picture of Neville barfing while Seamus laughed at him when she saw Harry looking over the side of the boat. After making sure McGonagall was full with the sick Neville, she quickly sneaked up behind Harry and gave him a nudge. His balance was off and he fell out of the boat.

Another student (Ravenclaw) happened to be looking over when she spotted Harry in waters below.

Ravenclaw: Look over there!!!

McGonagall and the guide went over to the side of the boat where they watched stunned as Harry went past the boundaries of the dam.

McG: I thought nothing could past the dam??

Guide: Nothing as big as a boat. Fishes and small debris can go through or else they'd be a blockage. Did you know that over 150 species of fish swim through these waters…

McG: I don't care about that!!! What about my student??

While they were arguing the safety off boat, they didn't see as Harrys head ducked under the waves. It wasn't until

Ravenclaw: Oh no!!!

They saw as Harrys outstretched hand went over the crest of the falls. A loud desperate scream was heard and it was all silent, except for the roar of the crashing water below.

McG: Oh no!!! Not again!!!

Guide: Again??

McG: Do you know who we just killed?? The Boy-Who-Fucking-Lived!!!

Guide: Good gods no!!

McG: We will never speak of this again

Lianne: If I can say Professor, maybe we should all just go to the gift shop??

McG: Right. Students!! You will not tell anyone what just happened or you will be expelled from Hogwarts. I am not joking. Now hush down. Guide, to the gift shop!!

Guide: Aye Aye cap-i-tan

* * *

Now it was Care of Magical Creatures. After magically appearing, though to everyone who didn't go on the trip wouldn't notice, in the Great Hall, McGonagall was shocked. After breakfast she called Harry over for an explanation. All he did was call her crazy and walk off. McGonagall really needs to get her head checked.

As I was saying, Care of Magical Creatures was now happening with the Slytherins.

Hagrid: Get out your textbooks. We'll need them for what we're studying today.

Harry looked through his bookbag but couldn't find the book.

Harry: Guys (Ron, Herm-theyre still in the story, theyre just not important), I cant find my book

Draco: Hey Potter!! Looking for this?? –holding up bound book-

Harry: Give it here Malfoy

Draco: Ok then –taking off bounds- Think fast

Draco flung the book straight at Harrys face. Harry shielded himself with his hands but it still mauled him, attacking his arms first. He moved his hands from his face in pain, and it jumped onto the new target. Harrys arms flailed around and he ran blindly in circles. Hagrid tried to help but Harry kept running away. The book seemed to be feeding off Harry because chunks of flesh seemed to be missing from places.

Harry started freaking out more and ran into the forest, right where Lianne and Aiden wanted him. They had gotten a bag of books and let them out in that area. Now Harry was done for.

Harry: AAAAHHHH!!! Get off!!

He finally pulled the book off, looking worse for wear. Holding the offensive creature at arms-length, he surveyed his new surroundings. He was cornered in a circle of the same books. The one in his hand nipped his finger and he dropped it to the floor. The book stared up at him from the floor and then let out the weirdest cry. The other books sprung into action and dogpiled on Harry, taking pieces for himself until Harry passed out from the pain. Even afterwards, they continued eating till he was no more.

Lianne and Aiden, after hearing the cry and screams, quietly walked over to Draco and gave him the 5 galleons.

Lianne: Thanks Malfoy

Draco: Anything to help out a friend

Aiden: So we're friends now??

Draco: Of course. Youre friends with Shani and we have some sort of understanding. Also, with this new revelation of trying to out Potter, you deserve it

Aiden: Thanks

Draco: Ask me again if you need more help

Lianne: will do

* * *

A new system was being installed in Hogwarts, where the students could go home for mid-term holidays, instead of just Christmas and Easter. It was the first mid-term and a few of the students were lining up outside the Gryffindor fireplace

Herm: They linked up the fireplaces in the common rooms so that it would move quicker. Thanks again Ron for letting us stay with you

Ron: Its not like you don't always stay with us

Lianne: But we don't

Aiden: Thanks Ron

Lianne: Uh?? Herm?? Are the fireplaces open all day??

Herm: Yep.

Lianne: Ok. Harry come here??

Harry: Ya??

Aiden: You know the drill??

Harry: Ya. Don't worry

Lianne: And hurry up with it. We don't want the Weasleys worrying

Harry: How will you know I actually do it

Aiden: How do we know you actually do any of the things??

Harry: Youre usually the one doing it?

Lianne: Oh yeah

Aiden: But we do have our ways

Lianne: Also, we're taping this all for the AKA for future references and copyright deals

Aiden: This is so Voldy cant try any of these in the future where youll really die

Harry: So this is actually helping me??

Aiden: Ya Harry. Its all for you

Harry: Fine then

Ron: Guys!! We're ready. We're the last ones.

Hermione and Ron went through the fireplace shouting "The Burrow". Lianne went next, waving to a few of the people in the common room who were staying then disappearing. Before Aiden disappeared, she winked at Harry and whispered "Make it believable". Harry whispered back "That wont be hard". He tossed his trunk in quickly as she laughed, before she was engulfed by the flames.

Now it was Harrys turn. He took out the special power Lianne gave and threw it into the hearth. The flames sprung up like normal and he slowly walked in. They didn't hurt him and he cautiously said "The Burrow".

The flames sprung up higher and started to lick at Harrys skin with pain. Harry screamed out but the others just looked at him weird. They were thinking "Is this his first time using floo powder?" He continued to scream until a muggleborn student realized he was being burnt.

Harry crouched into a fetal position because of the pain and trying to prevent sensitive areas (by this I mean stomach, face, arms) from being burnt further. The muggleborn looked around for a fire extinguisher before realizing Hogwarts has no need for them. He then shouted out

Muggleborn: Are you people blind?? The flames are burning him!! Does he look like hes alright??

After looking at Harry closely, the others realized too and casted water spells into the fireplace. The flames didn't get any lower and Harrys skin was beginning to melt as the temperature rose inside the cramped space.

The students were panicking. One 2nd year girl ran off to get McGonagall while they continued to spray the water into the flames, which only seemed to be getting better.

Harry passed out from the heat 10 minute before the 2nd year and McGonagall came. She, too tried firing the water at the flames, as well as summoning Harrys body out of the furnace, but nothing would work. It was like a anit-magical barrier was put up between them and the boy.

_Flash to Otterbury, St. Catchpole _

_Herm: Wheres Harry?? _

_Lianne: Maybe he forgot something in his dorm room _

_Aiden: Im sure hell be here soon. Maybe Dumbledore just wanted him for something before he left _

It seemed hopeless. The flames just grew in height and heat the more they tried. They doubted Harry was still alive. Feeling the increase in his comatose state, Harry recognized that his time was up. Dying that many times in a row, Harry had gotten used to feeling of your last moments and now knew them. He waited until he felt his heart slow to a stop and for the sickening cold to rise from his feet upwards. He did feel it, despite the hot temperatures. He figured that it was inevitable no matter what. He opened his eyes one last time to glimpse the seen of the stressed out McGonagall and a running in Dumbledore as he exhaled his last breath.

They continued to try. Dumbledore just burst in through the doors, causing McGonagall's concentration to lax. She was about to voice her opinions to him when a bright light shone through the flames (which miraculously didn't catch on anything else in the room). It lasted for 20 seconds before it mystically burst into sparkles. The flames died down and they looked into the fireplace at a black scorch mark which was the last of Harry Potter.

After fully inspecting the fireplace for outside magic and finding none, everyone evacuated the common room. McGonagall advised the students, for the mid-term, to stay out of the common room, for fear of other instances occurring. They were provided guest rooms and the matter would be looked at over the break.

After recuperating in the room, Harry sneaked back up to the common room, avoiding patrolling teachers and grabbed the real Floo powder. He shouted the destination and disappeared in real transporting flames to start enjoying his break.


	6. Bludgers, Love Triangles and M16s

After getting back form break, he was questioned again by both McGonagall and Dumbledore. Knowing Dumby couldn't and wouldn't stop the fun, he passed it off as McG seeing things and suggesting a ward in St. Mungos. She denied all accusations and Harry was let off with the knowledge of a watch being placed on him.

It was a few weeks since then and now it was the Quidditch match against Ravenclaw. Harry was suited up and gave his team the mandatory rally before the game. He then led them out onto the pitch, shook hands with Lawrence Dawson, one of Ravenclaw's chasers and captain, and then the whistle was blown.

It was a steady game, neither teams getting one up on the other. The score was now 90-80 with Ravenclaw in possession of the ball. Chasers, Kiki Marie and Paula Stanton passed the quaffle back and forth, evading their Gryffindor counterparts. Just when Katie Bell was going to intercept one of the passes, Kiki tossed it to Lawrence where he zoomed off to the goal post and scored on Ron.

Harry: Wheres our beater?!?!?

Ron tossed the quaffle back out to Demelza (sp?) and she rocketed off in the opposite direction.

Harry sat up on his broom, hovering higher than the other players. The Ravvies seeker was on the other side of the pitch lazily watching the game. –well he seems overly confident- Harry searched the stands for the pitch, after looking in the sky seemed doubtful. He saw it hovering near the bottom, darting in and out of the safety of the scaffolding holding up the seats. Harry inched his way slowly over in that direction, hoping not to alert the others of his motives. When he was sure he was close enough, he picked up speed and zoomed towards it. The Ravvie seeker spotted this and flew off in a blur to cut him off. From the stands, it looked like the seekers would have crashed.

Harrys hand shot out for the snitch, who now realized it was about to be captured and darted frantically in every direction. Just as his hand closed around the glittery ball, Harry was impacted by a bludger with hard spikes. Then blades, combined with force of the ball, cut wounds into his back, pushing Harrys broom down to the grass below. The Ravvie seeker halted and looked in the direction where the bludger came from. None of the beaters were even near the spot, having been first watching the game and now the unconscious celebrity. –Where could that have come from??- He didn't look to the stands where 2 seemingly identical twins were grinning to themselves. He looked back towards the fated saviour of the world, where he saw his body shine and then vanish in sparkles. Teachers rushed to the scene sometime after.

* * *

Lianne: Maybe we should stop with the public deaths. People are starting to get suspicious

Aiden: True… We can make the incident public but the body fly off somewhere before it disappears

Lianne: Like the forbidden forest, then people will just think an animal found him first.

Aiden: But the next thing on the list has to be done in few off people who will get suspicious.

Lianne: Your right…but theyll be too mad to care. They might walk off before his body vanishes

Aiden: True, lets print the article

The next morning, owls flew through the air, like every morning, with packages and letters of all sizes. A black owl with a mark like a white mask around its eyes, landed infront of Hermione with her copy of the Daily Prophet. What she didn't know is that there would be some incriminating evidence.

Ron: Anything good??

Herm: No… DEs raided a place in Scotland… Dark Mark over Denmark… Wait!! What is this??

Everyone else (which includes Harry, Ron, the twins and Ginny): What!!!

**_Love Triangle at Hogwarts by L. & A. Lewis _**

**__**

_This reporter got upclose and personal with famed Boy-Who-Lived, Harry Potter. In the interview, I asked about his love life, to which he answered, "Well right now, theres this girl named Hermione Granger, smart girl. She and I have been 'friends' for sometime now. My other friend, Ron Weasley has also been seeing her, but he doesn't know about us. We decided to keep it a secret. Also, Rons sister, Ginny Weasley, doesn't know about me and Hermione either. I love Hermione, although she and Ron do have some sexual tension. Im going to have to ask her about that. _

_When asked more about the illustrious Ginny Weasley, Mr. Potter had this to say, " Im only using Ginny to get 'something' and let me tell you, she gives a good blow job. You know what they say, have 2 honeys at all time. Draco Malfoy, you have some competition. And for some reason, Lianne and Aiden asked me to say 'See you tonight' whatever that's supposed to mean to you. Im assuming your getting some tonight. Lucky you. _

_Lastly, he added as a note, "Also, to the Hogwarts guys, Ginny and Hermione are taken already. When Im done with both of them, theyre all yours. See me in 2 week tops for reservations." While saying all this, Potter wore a drunken grin the whole time, though sane all throughout. This reporter has to think hes been on the firewhiskey a bit too long. _

_Are these statements true?? Statistics show that people under the influence, though not thinking clearly, lose their guards and are more likely to spout truths than lies. But can we really trust this. _

**_Article continues on pg. 3 _**

****

Everyone: What!!!

Herm: How could you Harry Potter??

Harry: I didn't

Herm: Don't play dumb with me

Ginny: Harry!!! You and Herm!?!?!?! Youre cheating on me?!?!?

Ron: Wait… I have to process this

Aiden: This could take a while. Bathroom break

-Lianne and Aiden excuse themselves, not before planting a mini-camera on Herms person-

Ron: So you and Herm…have been going behind my back the entire time!!!! Not to mention my sister… When have you 2 even been together?!!? How could you cheat on my poor defenseless sister.!?!?!?

Harry: Ron listen to me

Ron: NO POTTER!!! YOU LISTEN!!! WE HAVE BEEN CARRYING YOUR ASS FOR 7 YEARS. AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY US?!?! SLEEPING AROUND WITH MY SISTER AND HERMIONE AT THE SAME TIME??? AND YOU –to Herm- YOU WERE IN ON THIS THE WHOLE TIME!!! DON'T YOU KNOW IVE BEEN CRUSHING ON YOU FOR THE PAST 7 YEARS, HOPING THAT BY THROUGH HARRY, YOUD LIKE ME

Herm: Ron!!!! DON'T THINK IM NOT THE VICTIM IN THIS TOO!! HARRY SPOUTED LIES FOR ALL OF US, except for the Ginny part. Ive loved you as well but HARRY WAS ALWAYS IN THE WAY!!

Ginny: Guys, you can go snog later, Ill make sure of that. Now, we have some business to attend to.

-All turn to Harry-

Harry: Uhhh…Im not here.

Harry ran off, the trio hot on his heels and a sight to the Great Hall before they went through the doors. They ran through the school until Ron lunged at Harrys legs, sending him to the ground. They dragged him to an empty classroom where they all took turns pummeling and cursing him until there was hardly anything left.

Ron and Hermione left the room satisfied and then turned to each other. Some words were exchanged, where they promptly held hands and walked out of the blood-smelling room to a better atmosphere for snogging. Ginny stared at the lump that was left of Harry, feeling some but not much remorse. Knowing that Lianne and Aiden had something to with the reappearance of the dead Harry countless times (shes more quick on the uptake than Harry), she left the room, knowing hed be back soon to explain what was happening.

* * *

-In like this big empty basement used as a shooting range-

Lianne: Harry. This is going to be the easiest death that Voldemort could copy

Aiden: To make sure he doesn't we have to do it too you first for the camera

Harry: Alright!! Lets do this!!

Lianne: Bye Bye Harry

They both took out M-16s and fired at Harry, who was standing behind a target of a man with the different points for different areas of the body. After they both fired 10 shots, Lianne went up and took down the target

Lianne: See, I got more points than you

Aiden: Well…you smell funny


	7. Guillotines, broken hearts and rape

The next day Harry woke up to find a note on his night table. After putting his glasses he read the note, which simply said "Come down to the Entrance Hall. Make sure no ones with you – Signed L&A" Knowing it was just one of those days, he got dressed in casual lie-down clothes and went out of the common room, careful to avoid those who knew him

As he walked quietly through the strikingly quiet halls, Harry took this time to think to himself. _When will this end?? Im getting tired of dying every other day. I think I need to have a word with the AKA…But no ones been able to change her mind…If shes pissed enough, you don't even see them again. I don't want that to be me…Maybe I could talk to the twins to talk to her. They seem to be close, very close… But theyre actually happy with this arrangement. Theyre getting a laugh and im dying every minute…But it doesn't hurt to try… _

He looked up from his musings to see he was right outside the Entrance hall doors, his hand resting on the wood, about to push it out _Its now or never…lets just get this over with so I can sleep_

The twins hid behind a column in the room, unnoticed by Harry as he entered. They observed that he seemed to have bags under his eyes and walked haggardly to the center of the giant room. **_You think we should let up on him?? _**_No!!! Im having too much fun with this **But he looks so tired and worn out…For a little while?? **You know we cant do that… What would the AKA do?? **We should ask her then and see what she thinks **Fine!! Well talk to him about it first though _

Harry walked through the hall, looking for his callers.

Harry: Guys?? Where are you??

He was about to walk out of the other door which led to the Entrance Hall. Once he was in the threshold of the opening, a gigantic blade fell from the ceiling and cut the Boy-Who-Lived straight down from his head to his toes. The blood death knife pulled back to the ceiling, glittering with shining red. His body stayed intact for a few seconds before each half fell on opposite sides of the doorway. Blood pooled out from his flesh (**_Oooohh…that might scar)_**and the smell of it lingered over to the twins behind the column.

Getting a little noxious from the fumes, but not able to leave until the body disappeared, or it would appear suspicious, the twins waited reluctantly for the sparkles, then they ran back to the common room.

* * *

Lianne: Harry!!! Guess what we just heard!!

Harry: What

Aiden: We know about you and...guys…

Harry: Uh –shifty eyes- I don't know what youre talking about

Lianne: But we do…the AKA told us

Harry: Is nothing sacred anymore!!!

Aiden: Don't worry Harry…we think its cute

Lianne: Also, if you go on you are sure to find tons of stories saying this…so its not that much of a secret

Harry: Is there any other reason you came to see me?? Im feeling a little depressed now that I find out my secret was never secret

Lianne: We're getting there… we also heard straight from the AKA that youre two crushes are gay too!!!

Harry: Woohoo!!! So when do I get to tell them… I need me a man now!!!

Aiden: We said we were cool with…we didn't say we wanted hear about your fantasies Potter.

Lianne: Well, we've arranged a date for you to mean them. You can either meet Draco in the Potions classroom

Harry: Kinky!!

Aiden: …Or Ron in the Gryffindor Locker Rooms

Harry: Ahhh1!!! Which to choose!!?!?!? This is so hard. When are they??

Lianne: Theyre both at 7 tonight…Sorry this is the only time that was free with both of them

Aiden: They both have very busy lives apparently

Harry: Ill make my decision then

Lianne: We hope youre happy with your choice though

Aiden: We're rooting for you…Get laid tonight Potter…but don't tell us any details please

Harry: Har Har…thanks guys

Later:

_Ok…now is the moment of truth… Draco or Ron _

_Rons like my best friend. Hes cute, funny, a redhead, muscular, hot, gorgeous… a dream…God im getting a boner just thinking about him…uhhhh…RONS MOM!!! Good _

_Then theres Draco… Hes rich, experienced, muscular, blonde, sly, he has that whole bad-boy thing that just drives me wild!! I wonder what's under the hood…oh oh…now Ive actually gotten the boner…I guess I know which on to choose now… Let me just get this away for now and then Ill head down _

After taking a cold shower, dressing up and putting on some nice cologne, Harry walked through the hall to the Potions classroom _What Snape would think of 2 boys having sex on his desk!?!? _He thought incredously, his panicked state causing him to go mildly insane _Kinda like the twins when they haven't had their morning coffee _He stood outside the door, getting last minute goose-bumps. _I should have went with Ron… I don't fear rejection as much as with Malfoy… But Lianne and Aiden checked it out with the AKA and shes never been wrong… I think_ He made up is mind, got some of that fabled Gryffindor courage and pushed the door.

What he saw made his blood run cold…

There…

on the desk…

the same desk he had fantasized since he got the news of him and Malfoy bare and elated…

covered in scented oils and chocolate sauce…

was Malfoy…

and…

RON!!!!

Harry felt his heart tear into the pieces. The oblivious couple was on the desk doing the most nastiest things known to gay kind, although Harry wouldn't have minded if it was him in any of their positions, but seeing it made him sick.

Should he make is presence known, resultingly confirming what he saw was true…or just run from hoping in vain that it was all just a dream.

But his window of opportunity closed when Ron looked up from a loin-engulfing (lol) moan in the direction of the door and spotted his heart-broken raven-haired friend.

Ron: Harry!!!

Harry:…

Ron: Uhh…it isn't what it looks like…no…wait…this is exactly what it looks like…no doubt about it

Draco: Ron!!!

Ron: He has a right to know Drake!!

Harry: Drake???

Draco: Uhh…hi Harry

Harry: So this is it?? I find my 2 loves fucking behind my back

Ron: Technically… you never told us your feelings so we had no idea

Harry: But the AKA must have told!!!! How else would you know that I was going to come to here or the Gryffindor Showers?!?!?

Draco: We didn't know… we always come here on Tuesday…for a little stress relief

Harry: Stress relief??

Ron: You know…to unwind…and enjoy each others company

Harry: Looks like you were doing more than enjoying each others company

Ron: harry…

Harry: Don't you Harry me!!! I trust you Ron Weasley…I made not have trusted him but I trusted you!!! You were my best friend…by tonight maybe even my boyfriend!! But now I see you with him

Harry stormed his way back to the door, from the center of room where he obviously had walked to during his tirade. But leaving he looked over his shoulder and said "Ron Weasley… Never talk to me again…and just so you know… I chose him!!" and slammed the door shut on his and Rons friendship forever

Ron was heartbroken as well. He too had harboured feelings for Harry. Fuck!! Everyone, boy and girl alike, knew Harry Potter was a catch. They just all thought he was straight, which blew all boys out of the race… Ron had moved on after he found out Harry had feelings for Cho and shacked up with Draco. It had happened when he was patrolling and saw Draco walking through the halls after dark. Words and insults were exchanged until the night was just a blur of heat and intimacy. They both expressed their sexuality and feelings for each other, keeping themselves to the secrecy of the night. No one would have known and after Hogwarts, they would either break up of continue living in a villa in Italy. No one would have been the wiser of one of the secret gay couples of Hogwarts (there are others… they go to clubs and functions every once in a while)… until Harry stumbled in on one of their sessions.

Ron was devasted now. Draco tried to comfort him and in the end, they had comfort sex to ooze away Rons pain

* * *

Harry spent the next few days in the Recup Room, eating bowls of ice cream, watching the plasma screen in his underwear (some days even nude) and just moping around in their. On occasion, Lianne and Aiden would drop by during the day, with words of people missing him and suspicions. They reported that Ron seemed to be sadder and more depressed than usual. Harry got some satisfaction from that but it still didn't help. They said they told teachers and students alike that Harry was going through a small phase that didn't need Pomphreys help. And the AKA persuaded them too.

HPHPKILLHPHP

Harry was heading up the girls dorms stairs. It was midnight, only the moonlight illuminating the common room floor. Using his broom, he tricked the stairs mechanism and made his way over into Ginnys room.

Harry pushed the door open dramatically

Ginny: Who's there??

Harry: Youre worst nightmare

Ginny: Harry!!!??? They said you had disappeared

Harry: That was only coverup. This alibi enables me to get away with anything

Ginny: It thought you were different Harry. You said you didn't like the fame, the attention

Harry: I say a lot of them, half of them I don't mean

Ginny: If youre in hiding, why are you here??

Harry: To do this

Harry jumped on her and straddled her, keeping her hands above her head. He forcibly kissed her mouth, nibbling on her lips ever so often. Ginny struggled beneath him, but Quidditch had done a body good and she was getting tired with every movement.

Harrys face sucked off her mouth and began trailing kisses down her neck. Ginny, knowing that no one would hear her, (each room having a silencing charm on it) _Who ever thought that was a good idea!!! _was feeling hopeless. Tears streamed down her cheeks as Harry kissed her tender stomache, knowing full well where this would lead to.

He ravaged her mouth again until she let out an unwilling moan in pleasure. Smirking to himself, he lifted up her nightgown and trailed more kisses down her neck.

Now Ginny was panicking. She tried screaming like banshee before Harry silenced with his lips, pulling down his pants in the process. For the small moments for breath, Ginny tried screaming again, becoming breathless with the lack of oxygen going into her body. She became light-headed and had to stop before passed out and all hope was thrown away.

Once fully naked, Harry spread Ginnys legs and inserted himself inside her. She gasped in pain, and attacked him with full vigour, trying to push him off her with his hands. He held them above her head again and continued thrusting. Ginny was in pain… This was her first time and she was being raped by her love.

He increased in speed and the pain disappeared. Ginny tried to resist the urge to moan in pleasure, knowing full well this was entirely wrong. How she wished some would come in and blast his ass to kingdom come.

Sweat was evident on both their faces, Harry still quieting Ginnys soft screams with lust. Ginny was just tired now, accepting her fate _It will all be over soon_ and she was right!! Harry climaxed, giving one final thrust before collapsing on top of her. After regaining some strength, he came off Ginny and put on back his pants.

Harry: You better get cleaned up darling… That is so disgusting

How dare he call her disgusting after he just defiled her innocence? Now that she was, and a bit sore, Ginny let out the most earth-shattering scream ever. Harry covered his ears in pain, as the silencing charm on her room broke from the pressure and the sound resonated through the castle. Gryffindors quickly raced up the stairs to the noise and the door was busted open by Ron and Hermione

Ron: Ginny!!!

Ginny: Ron!!!

Ron: Potter??!?!?

Harry: Uhh

Ron: You…my sister!!!! You raped her!?!?!?!?

Harry: Its not what it looks like

Ginny: Don't listen to him!!!

Ron: Avada Kedavra

And that was the night Harry died. Ginny was taken to the hospital wing. Thankfully no child was conceived. Even after he was hit with the curse, Ron mutilated his body, shredding it, cutting it and eventually burning it and finding the remains to Fluffy

Harry: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Harry awoke, sweat-drenched, in his bed in the Gryffindor common. He looked over to Ron bed, seeing him sleep like a log. The longing he felt came back to him, but he was aware they were still feuding over spurned affections. That was such a horrific dream. _This is why girls are bad Harry. It would do good to remember that_. 2 demon like creature, mistakenly appearing like ravens, perched outside Harrys window

**_Did you get it?? _**

_I got it_


	8. Cursed objects, Horcruxes and Cyanide

Lianne: Ok now we have to plant this thing

Aiden: I distract him you run up the stairs

Lianne: Alright

Lianne sneaked along the walls, attracting many weird stares of the common room occupants before standing at the boy dorms' stairs. Aiden ran over to where Harry just entered the common room as Lianne went up.

Aiden: Harry!!!

Harry: Aiden?

Aiden: How you've been??

Harry: Fine

Aiden: I haven't seen you in such a long time

Harry: You saw me 5 minutes ago. I just went to the bathroom

Aiden: But its been so long. What did you do in the bathroom??

Harry: uhhh…bathroom things?

Aiden: What kind of bathroom things?

Harry: … things you do in the bathroom??

Aiden: Fascinating. Tell me more about it…here

Aiden drug him over to the couches and continued their uncomfortable conversation. She looked over to the stairs and saw Lianne run back down

Aiden: Oh Harry. I see Lianne. She and me were just about to go to the Great Hall. We'll continue or discussion later

Harry: uhhh…yeah

That night: 

Harry: Boy am I beat. Let me just get my night clothes.

He walked over to his trunk and riffled through his contents. He grabbed his toothbrush, toothpaste and clothes and went down to the showers. What he didn't know that they weren't his stuff.

He came back out and went under the covers for a goodnights rest

The next day: 

Ron: Harry!! Get up!! Classes start in 5 minutes and--- AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Harrys head came up from under the sheets. It was purple with red polka dots and his eyes were shining gold

Harry: what's wrong Ron??

Ron: Uhh… what is up with your face??

Harry: Huh…

Harry ran to the mirror in the bathroom but didn't see anything different about himself. _This is Ron we're talking about._ He got dressed and ready as normal and left the common room with Ron, who was keeping a considerable distance.

As they ran through the halls for a quick breakfast, Harry couldn't help but notice the peculiar stares that were sent his way. _Is everyone stupid?? Theres nothing wrong with my beautiful face –gasp- im starting to sound like Malfoy!!_

The Great Hall was no better and the week even worst. Several people would dump buckets of water on him, hoping to wash off whatever paint was on him but it just wouldn't move. Harry was just wondering what they were trying to do.

It all happened on day. Harry was in the bathroom brushing his teeth—again, when

Harry: _I really should do my Potions essay before Snape— _

Harry started coughing up blood in the sink. He tried to scream but it just sound like someone gargling. He spewed more blood, upchucking his stomach contents and mysterious chunks. He gave his last heave before he collapsed, hitting his head on the stained bathroom sink.

* * *

Aiden: Harry!! Harry!!

Harry: What!!?!?

Lianne: We were doing some research in the library-

Aiden: With Hermione about horcruxes

Lianne: And we made some headway

Harry: Well what is it??

Lianne: Uhhh…we don't how to say it but…

Aiden: Youre an horcrux

Harry: WHAT!!!!!

Aiden: We were shocked too

Lianne: And now its just to finish you off

Harry: No…wait…guys

Aiden: Sorry Harry

Harry: Can we talk about this??

Lianne: It is for the good of mankind

In the recup room: 

Harry: So is the horcrux destroyed??

Lianne: Well if youre still alive then its obvious its still alive

Harry: But these are real deaths

Aiden: And real reincarnations

Lianne: Besides the amount of times you've alredy died this year. Don't you think it would have been freed

Harry: Yeah its--- Huh??

Aiden: We lied to you Harry

Harry: How could you!!!

Lianne: Its what we do. Bye Harry –ducks incoming vase—slams door-

* * *

Hermione: Harry!! Over here

Harry made his way over to his friends at the Gryffindor table for lunch

Hermione: Harry, Id like you to meet Alexia and Lori

Lori, Alexia: Hi Harry

Harry: Hello. Where are the twins??

Hermione: They went to the library to finish up some stuff. I was just telling our new friends about Hogwarts

Harry: Oh. Its great. Youll have lots of fun here

Lori: Yeah

Alexia: We know

Harry: Are you related??

Lori: uhhh

Alexia: Cousins

Harry: Oh

Lori: Uhh Harry that girl over by the Ravenclaw is calling you

Harry: Huh –turns around-

Lori: I thought it was you

So the conversation continued with gusto. Harry suddenly felt parched and reached for his drink. He took a gulp and placed back down the glass. His eyes pulped out, his pupils dilated. He felt feverish and his mouth started to foam. His arms grabbed at his throat in vain to ease the burning. His breath came in short gasps and he dropped to the floor convulsing until he became sickeningly still.

Professors rushed from their table to the fallen hero but didn't reach before he vanished.

McG: Whoever is responsible for this had better stop or it will be expulsion

Lori and Alexia didn't look perturbed, more like how they were supposed to shocked, frightened and confused. Dumbledore looked them in the eyes and they winked back. Dumbledore gave a short nod before rejoining the professors' conversation.

Harry's friends were scared and they started talking of who would do something like this, the common answer being Voldemort. They had no idea of an even greater power staring them right in the face.


	9. Barney, the Marathon and Avada Kedavra

Lianne: Harry have you ever watched a TV??

Harry: No… Uncle Vernon never let me

Aiden: Really?!?!? We'll have to do something about that

Lianne: Lets go to the Room of Requirements and we'll show this super cool show

Harry: Why cant we just go the Recup Room??

Lianne: uhhh…

Aiden: its more fun in the Room of Requirement. Now no more questions.

They dragged Harry through the halls until they got to their destination, walked by the patch of wall three times and entered the room.

The room was very dark, with concrete walls and floor. The only things in the room were a huge wide screen TV and a wooden chair placed 2 feet from it.

Lianne: Sit here –pushing him down into the chair-

Harry: Ok…wait, where are you guys gonna sit

Aiden: Ohh… we've already watched this show hundreds of times. Now its your turn

Harry stared at the screen as Lianne pressed the play button on the remote. The Barney theme song began to play

Harry: What the hell is this??

Aiden: -psychoish- This greatest show in the world

Lianne: Now you sit there –chains come out from the chair and hold down Harrys head, torso, arms and legs firmly in place-

Harry: Help!! Help!!

Aiden: Stop struggling Harry. That will only make them tighter

Lianne: Now I made a video of all the Barney, Telletubies and Dora shows I could get. We'll check back on you before the tape finishes. That's in 48 hours

Aiden: And don't think of sleeping. The chair will find a way to keep you awake

They shut the door on Harrys life as he was forced to watch the cursed hours of Barney, Telletubies and Dora flash before his eyes. It was torture. The hunger and thirst started to hit but he knew Lianne and Aiden wouldn't be back for a while. He waited…and waited… Then he began to feel tired. His eyes shut for 5 seconds before the chair gave an electric shock that jolted him awake.

5 hours….10 hours…16 hours…24…31….36….42…and

Lianne: Harry??

They entered the room, the show still playing on the giant TV but there was no Harry

Aiden: Shit!! He must have died before the 48 hours.

Lianne: At least we got the whole thing on tape

* * *

Harry was outside talking with Hermione and Ron under the tree by the Black Lake when the twins walked up to the group

Harry: Here we go again…

Herm: What do you mean??

Harry: something bad is going to happen

Ron: How do you know??

Herm: …They are why you've been disappearing so often, isn't it??

Harry: I cant say anything else but yes. I might already be in so much trouble than I think I am

Lianne: Harry can we talk to you…over here a bit

Harry: See you guys tomorrow

Harry: Yeah??

Aiden: Uhh… I don't know how to put this but

Lianne: Bye Harry!!!

Harry: What??

Lianne threw some powder at Harrys feet and he vanished in a puff of purple smoke.

Harry reappeared somewhere else, dressed in a sweatshirt, shorts and trainers (sneakers). On the front of the sweatshirt was the number 7563. Harry looked around in confusion and saw similarly dressed people stretching and warming up. Then he heard a voice over a PA system.

Announcer: PLEASE WILL ALL MARATHON RUNNERS PLEASE GET TO THE STARTING LINE!!

Harry was jostled back and forth until he was in one of the starting position. The voice came on again though it was different from the first.

Announcer: You will run to the Vile Village, down to Slippery Slope and by the Carnivorous Carnival and then swim down to Grim Grotto and return back here… Oh and if you happen to see 3 children, bring them back with you

Real Announcer: Give me back the microphone MR. Count Olaf. As he said, you will go to the all those destinations and come back here. On your marks, get set, go!!!

All the runners ran off leaving Harry in the dust. He stared around in confusion. _What was this all about??_ Then he heard the voice.

Announcer: We've got another one you doesn't want to run

Olaf: release the hounds.

Harry looked behind him and saw 3 vicious dogs snarling at him. He did what any sensible person would do and ran. Whenever he strayed off course, a dog would break from the pack and direct to the path. He made it to the Vile Village (narrowly avoiding villagers and the dogs), down the Slippery Slope (and the dogs were still behind him), through the Carnivorous Carnival (what's worse than dogs?? Lions!!) and then suited up and went down to the Grim Grotto.

The dogs had finally stopped but now he was lost under the water and still had no idea where he was. He was getting really exhausted having to run the marathon and outrun dogs. He was intrigued by the things under water and stayed down there for a really long time. His oxygen was running out. He tried swimming up, but the seaweed bottom sprang to life and trapped him in their grasps. He was going to die. This was Lianne and Aiden's plan. He started to calm down, accepting his fate when he saw 3 bodies moving towards them.

Once they were closer, he saw they were children, the oldest a girl, the middle and boy and a baby. The girl looked towards her sister and the baby took out her mouthpiece and started biting the seaweed, as the others cut through the plant with knives. Soon Harry was freed but he was very and his oxygen was depleted. The children didn't know what was happening and said the fastest way up was for him to float. Harry died on his ascent up to the heavens. He never completed the marathon.

Back at Hogwarts: 

Lianne and Aiden are sitting in the Recup Room in front of a TV. They watched the whole thing (and other deaths) happened. When Harry vanished in sparkles, they quickly got rid of the TV and exited the room.

Aiden: Lucky him… he got to meet the Baudelaires

* * *

Lianne: Ok Harry…this one is simple too

Harry: Im not sure

Aiden: He'll obviously do this one. Which is why we have to first

Harry: technically he did do it first

Lianne: But you were immune then

Aiden: No more stalling… Harry1! Are you ready??

Harry: Lets get it over with

Lianne: Avada Kedavra

Harry fell to the floor, dead before he hit the ground. The End.

* * *

A/N: Sorry if it ended so lamely. Just that its late and I wanted to finish it quickly.


	10. The Cleaning Product and the terrorist

**A/N: This is the last chapter. I had alot of fun writing this, though some of the things were hard to think of. Thanks for the few readers I had, like _Rawhide_ who actually review. If anyone out there wants more or just has some ideas, please message me. I dont want this story to end.

* * *

**

So Harry woke up the next morning refreshed and invigorated. He brushed his teeth, with his new toothbrush, and combed his hair, though it didn't help. He grabbed his bookbag from beside his bed and exited his room.

As he walked through the hallway and into the Gryffindor common, he hummed to himself. Someone must have drugged him. He seems high today. Not taking the world into consideration, Harry walked dazedly through the room and over to the portrait hole, ignoring his friends sitting in the chairs.

Herm: Doesn't he know today is Saturday??

Lianne: Maybe hes sleep walking

Ron: In the day?

Aiden: Maybe hes drunk??

Just as the portrait hole swung open and Harry stepped into the threshold, a mysterious substance was blasted into Harrys face. He tried to move away from the gas but his feet seemed to be glued to the floor. No one seemed to have noticed. They had all seen Harry exit the common room and the portrait close back.

All but Lianne and Aiden. They smirked and watched as Harrys hand reached up to his neck, his breath trapped in his throat. The product continued to sting Harrys eyes and suffocate him. He screamed, going unheard by those around him, some of the substance getting into his mouth.

This continued only for a few more minutes before Harry collapsed and died from a lack of oxygen. The occupants of the room just sat there, only looking over when they thought they saw a flash by the portrait but it quickly disappeared.

* * *

Lianne: Harry put this on

Aiden: and this

Lianne: And take this plane ticket

Aiden: And we'll see ya in about a week.

Harry: But what do I---

Lianne and Aiden had just walked up to Harry, arms filled with clothes and makeup. After fixing him up, they just shoved necessities into his hands and threw down the transport powder before he could ask what it was about.

Harry reappeared in what seemed to be a military camp. He saw camouflaged soldiers marching, with rifles held against their chest. Confused and disoriented, Harry walked around the camp wondering why Lianne and Aiden would send him here.

He didn't have to move far. It seemed the sudden movement aroused the attention of the soldiers and they quickly broke apart to run after him. Any sane person would have ran when they saw a large group of angry soldiers heading straight for them. But as you all know, Harry isn't exactly sane. He stood like a deer in headlights until two of the soldiers secured his arms. He started thrashing as one of the soldiers called for a doctor. More the soldiers held down his legs and the doctor came and injected his neck with a drug. Soon, Harry was knocked out.

Harry woke up to find himself restrained to a chair before a court of people. He was groggy and sick. He felt as if hed throw up his stomach but knew he couldn't do that here. With some effort, he held his head up to look at the person standing in front of him.

The man was also dressed in camouflage like the soldiers but his torso was adorned with medals of all sizes and shapes. His head was buzzcut and his face wore an eternal scowl. His jaw was rugged and closely shaven. It seemed that all army personnel had to have lowcut hair. Go figure.

???: What is your name?

Harry was about to answer when words which were not his poured of his mouth in an Arabic accent.

Harry: Marick Vishnu

???: What is your business here??

Harry was about to say that he was not Marick Vishnu. That this was all a cruel joke that some friends were playing on him and that he wanted to return to England. But again, different thoughts spilled from his lips.

Harry: I was sent by my master to bomb this base

Gasps from some ladies in the back were heard. They wore white uniforms and had red crosses of their hats. Harry took them to be the nurses of the camp. His interrogators eyes flared with rage and the hatred was strained through his voice.

???: What do you think we should do with you now, Mr. Vishnu?

Harry: Whatever your dreadful American government sees fit. Much good it will do.

???: As the man as given us a complete confession of his own free will, I think we just go outside now and execute him. All agree

All the hands shot up and Harry was released from the chair and escort out a door to a shooting range. His guard handcuffed his hands behind him and blindfolded him. Harry could hear the footsteps of someone standing a few feet in front of him.

Harry was filled with fear, not what was about to happen, for he already knew that, but how it was being done. To think that others, not just Arabic terrorist, were shot this way for misconduct. When he was resurrected, he would have to talk to someone about this.

Harry then heard his interrogator again.

???: Any last words

Harry: Only this. I don't care that I am dying now. For I know there will be another to take my place. I have made the terrible mistake of revealing myself before time. This is where it has taken me. My one regret is that I was not able to bomb this hell hole and that another will get the glory.

???: Such noble words. Men!! Ready!! Aim!! Fire1!

The 3 soldiers the lieutenant had stationed in front of Harry shot their guns straight at Harry. Harry felt the many bullets pierce his flesh, many going through his chest. The impact of the bullets and the fact that one went through his heart, caused Harrys knees to buckle and he lay there dead.

???: Funny. I thought he would have lasted a few more seconds before falling. Lemmins, Porter, get rid of the body.

Just Lemmins reached Harry, he vanished

???: Great Scott. Its some kind of Arabic magic. We have to alert the other bases of this.


	11. The End?

The screen lights up again to show a stage with a lone spotlight shining down to the centre of the floor.

Harry: -looking around, clueless- So this is the end??

Lianne: -walking on stage- I guess. The AKA has no more ideas

Aiden: -joining in- Awww. Just when I was starting to have fun

Harry: Ive never been to an end before

Lianne: Don't worry. You'll have an end when the last book comes out in July. That's 4 months away

Aiden: -cries- I don't want you to end Potter

Harry: Uhh –pats back awkwardly- There..there

Lianne: Aiden, get off him –drags her off- Give the man some space

Harry: man?? –puffs out chest-

Lianne: Short man

Harry: aawww

Aiden: Now we have to be getting back to the other stories and get our next mission specks from the AKA

Harry: Wait guys!!! there are still countless ways for Voldy to kill me

Lianne: Ya but if the AKA hasn't of it, neither will he

Aiden: Voldy isn't the brightest crayon in the box you know

Lianne: Come to think of it, he's brighter than you though

Aiden: But we have to be off –pulls off clothes to reveal tight leather spy outfits-

Harry: Wow –drool- Whered you get those??

Lianne: Put your eyes back ion your head Harry

Aiden: -pulls out grappling hook- From the AKA. Remember we have missions to go on

Harry: Cool. Where can I get one??

Lianne: Uhh… a leather cat suit??

Aiden: -whispers- Told you he wasn't alright

Harry: Yea

Lianne: Come with us. We'll take you to the AKA

Aiden: -grabs Harry- Hang on

The stage changes into a rooftop of a hotel, overlooking a busy New York street. They both jump over the side of the building, Harry screaming as they plummet to the ground, before deploying the grappling hooks and swinging across the city. Both Lianne and Aiden are freeze-framed as they wave to the camera smiling, Harry screaming for his life.

Announcer: Tune in next for **_Adventures with Lianne and Aiden._**


End file.
